I recently felt very low and depressed. It was a confluence of events. Perhaps it was inevitable. I somehow couldn’t spill the thoughts in my mind to anyone else except my blog (which while personal is impersonal at the same time.)
My feelings of sadness stem from my inability to choose a lot of things my own way. I am sad that I have people closest to me at odds with the people I care about deeply. I am secretly envious of people who can just smile their cares away and post pictures of themselves with their families and loved ones, happily together with evidences of unconditional love for each other and a close-knit tie bound by nothing else but their simple love for each other. It makes me cry every time.
Still though, watching Chimamanda Adichie via TED and considering all the things that the world has to offer as well as what I have to offer, I just had to tell myself to quit “the negative self-talk.” Instead, I thought about the fact that there are so much work to be filled, so many people to love, so many challenges to face as well as the fact that we need to continually love ourselves and the people we love through making sure that we first know how to take care of ourselves and how to love ourselves.
In a TED talk below by Helen Fisher,
Around the world, people love. They sing for love, they dance for love, they compose poems and stories about love. They tell myths and legends about love. They pine for love, they live for love, they kill for love, and they die for love. As Walt Whitman once said, he said, “Oh, I would stake all for you.” Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies. They’ve never found a society that did not have it.
But love isn’t always a happy experience. In one study of college students, they asked a lot of questions about love, but the two that stood out to me the most were, “Have you ever been rejected by somebody who you really loved?” And the second question was, “Have you ever dumped somebody who really loved you?” And almost 95 percent of both men and women said yes to both. Almost nobody gets out of love alive.
I was scouring over many thought-catalog articles about these topics and it only made me less happier until I suppose my negative silent energy became contagious such that I was keeping some of the people proximate to me out of my life. I was going more and more inward, more and more depressed and I didn’t want anyone much to talk to me. Ironically, it took students and a rekindling of my first loves (math and math lovers as well) to help me just brighten up my day. In a way, I suppose – Math saved me. It helped me process things more constructively. Math in some ways, presents problems in a form where you think it’s too difficult, until you realize that the solutions can be hundreds of types and it’s all simply how you look at the problem.
I love mathematics because it’s complex and yet at the same time it’s a way of life. Life never gets easier. You give up on math, you give up on life, you are merely seeing it with a single lens, a single story – and there’s a danger of looking at things in a single light.
Stories matter. Many stories matter. Stories have been used to dispossess and to malign, but stories can also be used to empower and to humanize. Stories can break the dignity of a people, but stories can also repair that broken dignity.
To say that continuity was broken was to see only one edge of a cube, but there can be so many facets in a complex life, much like a cube’s face can be joined with faces of other cubes. My cousin treats Science as an adventure and it has been her life long-goal to pursue that adventure.
Watch her below:
Science is a work in progress and there’s so much more to find out. Everyone’s invited to come along for the ride. – Reina Reyes
What I understand from all of these things is that
1.) We do not know what lies ahead.
2.) Life is a work in progress. Love is a work in progress. We are a work in progress.
3.) Life never gets easier but we musn’t be hard on ourselves. We must always see problems just like we do with Math. We deconstruct them. We simplify them as much as we can. We interpret difficult phrases with easier representations such as variables, inequalities and equations. We don’t stop with one solution. We seek many solutions even with the same problem because there can be optimal solutions, better solutions , more elegant solutions that help build in solving other problems.
4.) There’s a danger of learning only one story. There’s a danger of saying (My life is sad. That’s one point in a myriad of lattices.) There needs to be a balance of stories. The Philippine story has yet to be told to countless fellow Filipinos, Filipino-Chinese, Filipino – Americans, Filipino-Koreans, Filipino – Japanese, Filipino – Spanish. The world has many stories. When we lose sight of the many stories, we make critical, large and judgmental mistakes.
His-Story. Her-Story. My-Story. Your Story.
What is your story?
– Faceless Trader
A parent suggested to me that I make math videos (because there are times I am unable to finish my lessons) – here are a few videos
Will welcome feedback.